Normally, I correct spelling and such for these, but to maintain the integrity of the article, I let this one mostly raw and unscrubbed, at least the first part. This shit is priceless.
Messin' With Raziel's Girl Thing
Raziel: Have you ever been so incredibly happy that you just smile and cant stop? Well if you haven't you are missing out cuz that is how I am feeling right now...I am just so happy and in Love.....Gosh I Love You so Much Phenex...........
Phenex: You make me smile all the time baby your such a great guy and im very lucky to have you MUAH i miss you bunches and LOVE YOU!!!
Raziel: Miss you more....Love you More........Come on Hawaii!!!!!!
ArchAngel: So when do you guys graduate? I remember my high school days, such a magical time.
Phenex: Your WIERD!
ArchAngel: I'm partial to the term "freak," but compliment accepted at any rate.
Raziel: Nah baby he's just jealous...ArchAngel.... maybe you should go back to highschool if you haven't been that happy since then.....Its ok to be envious of the happiness we share and the passion i am glad i could take you back down memory lane and remind you of how happy u were in highschool maybe one day u too can be as happy as we are.........
Phenex: Yea! HAHAHAHA
ArchAngel: Hey, I didn't say anything about being happy. I said "magical." Canadian Black Magic mostly.
Phenex: im not canadian?
ArchAngel: Well, at least you're not anymore. That's what Canadian Black Magic's all about. It deals primarily with altering the national origins of the victims. You don't even remember your life in Canada before the spell, which means I did it right. That's good to know. I was worried cause I couldn't find the blood of a darkling dragon, so I used maple syrup.
Guess it all worked out in the end.
Phenex: Ummmm there is no such thing as Canadian black magic i just GOOGLED IT! And my mom and dad told me I was born in Minnesota so HA you LOOSE!
Phenex: Lose.... you know what i ment
ArchAngel: It was a very powerful and effective spell.
And just cause you can't find something on Google doesn't mean it's not real.
How are your "parents"? They came very highly recommended from the acting agency. Incidentally, they're contract's almost up, I'm not made of money after all.
ArchAngel: I don't think i know any "spelling spells," which is a shame.
Phenex: i googled "spelling spells" no such luck bummer
ArchAngel: There is an explanation for that. See, the fundamentals of Canadian Black Magic, or CBM as it is commonly referred to, won't even be committed to paper until 2072, a few short years after the Galactic Temporal War. It's kind of a long story, but suffice to say that my coven was experimenting with some powerful magic to fix a hockey game when we were caught in the maelstrom created by an errant chrono comet. The resulting tachyon waves threw the lot of us across the time stream. I happened to end up here and now.
Be sure to Google it again in about 72 years or so, and I guarantee yo won't be disappointed.
Phenex: your hurting my brain................
ArchAngel: It'll pass.
ArchAngel: You might want to get checked out though. Excessive overuse of periods at the end of statements is the first sign of Ectoplasmic Tachyon Field Inducement Syndrome.
I feel kind of bad. This sort of thing always seems to happen when time traveling warlocks use origin-displacement hexes on the natives.
ArchAngel: Also, look out for time squirrels.
[At this point, I felt by way of explanation, I'd tack another thread on here. Raziel pops up again, as well as Leo and Akriel, two good friends of mine.]
ArchAngel: There's been a fair amount of scuttlebutt lately about Time Squirrels, and I feel I may be responsible. I have not made it clear that Time Squirrels are not the enemy, they are merely soldiers of the New Squirrel Order from the future. You should watch out for them because they're a good omen.
ArchAngel: Unless you're El Yak en el Cielo, in which case you're totally boned. Even in a time eons beyond our own, the New Squirrel Order stands firm against La Federecion de la Yak en el Cielo con Tres Sapos!!
Leo: I am down with the New Squirrel Order!
ArchAngel: Yeah, and it's good to know that the New Squirrel Order will one day blossom into the elite temporally savant Order of Squirrel Eternals.
Raziel: Leo you are too easily manipulated by his jargon... Live for yourself little bike boy, don't let the leader of the Cult of Time Squirrels rule you too... Stay true to your little gay shorts and your little gay bikes and don't listen to the Time Squirrel Leader....
Leo: You watch how you talk to the S.E.A.L. Squirrel Commander!!!!!!!!!
Raziel: Shit, he's taken control or your little brain... Damn you, ArchAngel! I mean I know bicyclists are easily manipulated, but did you have to take him down so fast? Leo, quick, jump on your bike and ride away! There is no such thing as a S.E.A.L Squirrel Commander... They are going to use your small brain for studies on us humans... Damn cyclist, so stupid.
Akriel: What a fag...
A few notes:
1.) Contrary to what Raziel would have you believe, the New Squirrel Order (and all of it's various components, past, present and future,) is not a cult. It's a rebel force that opposes the oppressive dictatorship represented by the FY3S. I have suspicions that Raziel may be in league with them, but no proof. Not yet, anyway...
2.) Leo is indeed the Admiral of the S.E.A.L. Squirrels, one of our elite task forces. He's also an avid cyclist, which is why Raziel makes multiple references to biking.
3.) I'm not entirely sure who Akriel is referring to there at the ends, but I suspect it's all of us. I know for a fact he's a Yak Agent, but we don't let our political differences get in the way of our friendship.
4.) Raziel has informed me that Phenex has an alarm set on her cell phone for 72 years in the future, reminding her to Google Canadian Black Magic. She showed it to him, he actually saw it. I am still laughing.
Phenex: You make me smile all the time baby your such a great guy and im very lucky to have you MUAH i miss you bunches and LOVE YOU!!!
Raziel: Miss you more....Love you More........Come on Hawaii!!!!!!
ArchAngel: So when do you guys graduate? I remember my high school days, such a magical time.
Phenex: Your WIERD!
ArchAngel: I'm partial to the term "freak," but compliment accepted at any rate.
Raziel: Nah baby he's just jealous...ArchAngel.... maybe you should go back to highschool if you haven't been that happy since then.....Its ok to be envious of the happiness we share and the passion i am glad i could take you back down memory lane and remind you of how happy u were in highschool maybe one day u too can be as happy as we are.........
Phenex: Yea! HAHAHAHA
ArchAngel: Hey, I didn't say anything about being happy. I said "magical." Canadian Black Magic mostly.
Phenex: im not canadian?
ArchAngel: Well, at least you're not anymore. That's what Canadian Black Magic's all about. It deals primarily with altering the national origins of the victims. You don't even remember your life in Canada before the spell, which means I did it right. That's good to know. I was worried cause I couldn't find the blood of a darkling dragon, so I used maple syrup.
Guess it all worked out in the end.
Phenex: Ummmm there is no such thing as Canadian black magic i just GOOGLED IT! And my mom and dad told me I was born in Minnesota so HA you LOOSE!
Phenex: Lose.... you know what i ment
ArchAngel: It was a very powerful and effective spell.
And just cause you can't find something on Google doesn't mean it's not real.
How are your "parents"? They came very highly recommended from the acting agency. Incidentally, they're contract's almost up, I'm not made of money after all.
ArchAngel: I don't think i know any "spelling spells," which is a shame.
Phenex: i googled "spelling spells" no such luck bummer
ArchAngel: There is an explanation for that. See, the fundamentals of Canadian Black Magic, or CBM as it is commonly referred to, won't even be committed to paper until 2072, a few short years after the Galactic Temporal War. It's kind of a long story, but suffice to say that my coven was experimenting with some powerful magic to fix a hockey game when we were caught in the maelstrom created by an errant chrono comet. The resulting tachyon waves threw the lot of us across the time stream. I happened to end up here and now.
Be sure to Google it again in about 72 years or so, and I guarantee yo won't be disappointed.
Phenex: your hurting my brain................
ArchAngel: It'll pass.
ArchAngel: You might want to get checked out though. Excessive overuse of periods at the end of statements is the first sign of Ectoplasmic Tachyon Field Inducement Syndrome.
I feel kind of bad. This sort of thing always seems to happen when time traveling warlocks use origin-displacement hexes on the natives.
ArchAngel: Also, look out for time squirrels.
[At this point, I felt by way of explanation, I'd tack another thread on here. Raziel pops up again, as well as Leo and Akriel, two good friends of mine.]
ArchAngel: There's been a fair amount of scuttlebutt lately about Time Squirrels, and I feel I may be responsible. I have not made it clear that Time Squirrels are not the enemy, they are merely soldiers of the New Squirrel Order from the future. You should watch out for them because they're a good omen.
ArchAngel: Unless you're El Yak en el Cielo, in which case you're totally boned. Even in a time eons beyond our own, the New Squirrel Order stands firm against La Federecion de la Yak en el Cielo con Tres Sapos!!
Leo: I am down with the New Squirrel Order!
ArchAngel: Yeah, and it's good to know that the New Squirrel Order will one day blossom into the elite temporally savant Order of Squirrel Eternals.
Raziel: Leo you are too easily manipulated by his jargon... Live for yourself little bike boy, don't let the leader of the Cult of Time Squirrels rule you too... Stay true to your little gay shorts and your little gay bikes and don't listen to the Time Squirrel Leader....
Leo: You watch how you talk to the S.E.A.L. Squirrel Commander!!!!!!!!!
Raziel: Shit, he's taken control or your little brain... Damn you, ArchAngel! I mean I know bicyclists are easily manipulated, but did you have to take him down so fast? Leo, quick, jump on your bike and ride away! There is no such thing as a S.E.A.L Squirrel Commander... They are going to use your small brain for studies on us humans... Damn cyclist, so stupid.
Akriel: What a fag...
A few notes:
1.) Contrary to what Raziel would have you believe, the New Squirrel Order (and all of it's various components, past, present and future,) is not a cult. It's a rebel force that opposes the oppressive dictatorship represented by the FY3S. I have suspicions that Raziel may be in league with them, but no proof. Not yet, anyway...
2.) Leo is indeed the Admiral of the S.E.A.L. Squirrels, one of our elite task forces. He's also an avid cyclist, which is why Raziel makes multiple references to biking.
3.) I'm not entirely sure who Akriel is referring to there at the ends, but I suspect it's all of us. I know for a fact he's a Yak Agent, but we don't let our political differences get in the way of our friendship.
4.) Raziel has informed me that Phenex has an alarm set on her cell phone for 72 years in the future, reminding her to Google Canadian Black Magic. She showed it to him, he actually saw it. I am still laughing.